Louise Shirlow, a Clinical Service Technician in MDS Pharma Services’ Belfast, Northern Ireland Early Clinical Research site, is currently in Bangkok, Thailand helping neglected and abused children. She will be there for eight weeks, thanks to the Dr. William Anderson Memorial Award she received earlier this year. Louise has generously agreed to make time to share her travels, experiences and photographs with us.
5th December 2007 - With the journey complete, lessons are learned
5th December 2007, Belfast -- This is my final diary entry, and as I write it, I have mixed emotions. I am glad to be home with family and friends, but at the same time, wishing I was back in Thailand. Being away in a different country on holiday is one thing, but when you have immersed yourself within the culture and community the way I did for the past two months, it seems like when you leave you are leaving a piece of yourself behind.
I have learned a lot while I have been away, about the country I was in (yes, patience is truly a virtue), but also about myself. I know now that I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and that dreams and goals can be reached if you really want them. I have gained more confidence within myself and hopefully I have become a better person. And, there is something about seeing a child who has nothing, but without being asked will willingly share what little they have with you, that makes you appreciate what you have in life.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who wrote to me while I was in Thailand. You have no idea how much your messages meant to me, especially in my low periods when I needed the support the most. I hope all of you enjoyed reading my diary as much as I enjoyed sharing my experiences with you.
Kop Khun Ka (thank you).
Louise Shirlow
22nd November 2007 - Anderson Award adventure offers experiences of a lifetime
My time here in Thailand has been filled with richness...in emotions, culture and friends. It has been a journey that I will never forget and that I don't want to end. It would not feel right leaving Thailand without telling you about the things I have seen and learned here that have not been a part of my volunteer work.
I have seen so many sights, both with Cross Cultural Solutions (CCS) and on my own free time, that I want to share just a few here, because it has not only been the children but the entire country that has captured my heart. So, here are a few memories of adventures I have had along the way.
Everyone says that Thailand is the land of smiles and I completely agree! Yes, it gets a bad reputation at times; of people being ripped off and the infamous sex trade. But what I have seen here is the courage, love and patience of the Thai people. It has taught me a few things and opened my eyes in many ways I never thought possible.
The first trip I took was during my first weekend here. I left Thailand to go to Cambodia, where I found poverty at a level which I have never seen before. On the other hand, I fell in love with this country and the peaceful countryside I drove through. I visited the famous Angkor Wat Temples and was shook to my very core at the feeling I got when I saw the impressive structure for the first time. The begging children on the streets were hard to witness, but the attitude of the foreigners was even harder and reminded me of how people forget how lucky they are.
My second trip was to Kantchanaburi, three hours outside of Bangkok. Here I saw the famous Bridge over the River Kwai and visited a place called the Tiger Temple where abandoned tigers are being raised by Monks in the Temple grounds.
My third trip was to Chiang Mai were I volunteered for a weekend at a sanctuary for elephants that have been abused within the tourist industry in Thailand. Here at the sanctuary they get to live out their lives in peace.
The rest of my free time I spent in Bangkok within the community I have now become a part of, and I feel that I have learnt more about the people and culture this way. The cultural activities that CCS has designed for us have been the most fun.
- I have seen Thai dancing, kickboxing, and all the temples and sights Bangkok has to offer.
- I have taken part in classes in Thai cooking, massage and meditation.
- I have received a talk by a Buddhist monk who was the most beautiful man I have ever met inside and out.
- I have eaten dinner in a variety of places from the most upmarket to the stall on the side of the road.
- I have taken part in festivals for the King celebrating his coronation, and a ceremony to give thanks to the river god by making floats of banana leaf and candles to apologise for the pollution in the water.
I feel that the way I have seen Thailand is different than if I had come here as a tourist, and for that I am grateful.
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14th November 2007 - Branching out: Louise helps at women's refuge and hospital
As most of you are aware I have been spending my time with the children of Bangkok in a creative capacity. However, I recently requested to spend some time in other areas while I am here to get a bit of variety on the placements that Cross Cultural Solutions has to offer. Last week I spent time working in both in a women's refuge centre and in a local hospital.
The time spent at the refuge centre was both uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time. All of the women have been victims of domestic violence and all of them have children or are pregnant. This facility provides them with a safe place to rebuild their lives and receive counselling for both themselves and their children.
Many of the children were also victims of abuse at the hands of their fathers. There is also an orphanage at this placement and while I was there three children were adopted into a new family, which I felt very privileged to be a part of.
The centre here is in desperate need of some supplies that are too expensive to buy in Thailand, for example diapers and vitamins as well as art supplies. They are continually trying to fund-raise money, but as I am well aware, this can sometimes be an uphill struggle.
I was unable to take any photos of the centre and the wonderful people I met here due to the nature of the facility and the work they do. Many of the women's partners are still looking for them and their children, so they have a strict policy regarding photos. But I can tell you that the strength in these women shines through, and the children and babies I got to play with are as resilient as ever. Some of them, however, still bear the emotional scars of what they have been through. Many of them don't speak and one little boy, whose father is a westerner, is afraid of foreigners.
I also got to spend time last week in a local hospital, which was interesting for me due to previous and present employment in a clinical field. Most procedures and practices are done in the same way, with only slight variations due to budget costs. I spent a lot of time in the maternity ward (of course because I have fallen in love with the children and always seem to gravitate towards them) where the nurses are fighting an uphill battle to promote breastfeeding. Thankfully the Crown Prince's wife has joined the cause and they seem to be making some headway.
The staff at the hospital were friendly and accommodating to my questions. The one thing I have noticed is how quiet it was, as the Thai people don't believe in raising your voice and getting stressed about the little things - this makes for a pleasant working environment.
My time is getting shorter by the day and I feel like there is still so much to do, although when I look back on the things I have seen and achieved it could be enough to fill a lifetime.
7th November 2007 - Busy, rewarding Bangkok
The past two weeks here in Thailand have been pretty busy, as I have been asked to teach at a summer school for an hour and a half every day after my placement at the orphanage. I have agreed to do this, because I feel the more I can do the more I am helping on a daily basis. The kids I have been teaching are around nine and ten years old, and can speak English really well. They want help with their pronunciation and grammar. It does not seem to matter to them that I am not a teacher. They are just glad I am willing to spend time with them.
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I have been working on self esteem with the younger kids, so they will have the confidence to act as silly and as crazy as they like - the way kids are meant to act - in order to give them some freedom of expression. Last week I worked on this by making animal masks with the kids, and then having them pretend they were that animal. They had to move like the animal on their mask, and make the animal sounds. The kids loved this! And I had so much fun too. At times, though, the staff was looking at me as if I was crazy. I had to wonder what I must have looked like, acting like a monkey jumping up and down scratching at my armpits. But I really seem to connect best with the kids when I let go of all my inhibitions and just give it my all. They love it.
The little girl who has been sitting behind the desk has joined in a few times and has had fun when she forgets to be sad. But I still find she has to be coaxed out to join in with the other kids. She is still a bit timid but I am glad she is no longer crying everyday and that makes me feel like I have helped in a small way.
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I have fallen in love with the cutest little boy who has Autism. He tends to play by his own rules and will participate in the crafts, but does it in his own style. I watch him play every day along side the other kids his age. He loves to play with giant Lego, but instead of just randomly placing blocks together he always makes some kind of machine on wheels that actually works.
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He loves having his picture taken and always wants to see the finished product and points to himself in the photos. He is the cutest little character I think I have met. Everyone warned me before I came to Thailand that I would want to bring some of these kids home. Well this one has stolen my heart. A new batch of volunteers has started this week, and I have to say, the enthusiasm and excitement they bring has made my day since it can get hard at times to keep your spirits up. It has been great having likeminded people to share this experience. We support each other -- whether it is emotional support or help with what you are going to do with the kids the next day. I feel like I have made some long-lasting friends here that I will never forget.
26th October 2007 - Workload increases, messages encourage
A message from Louise: I am so sorry not to be able to do an entry this week, but it has been really busy here as they have given me an extra placement in the afternoons -- teaching English to some local kids during holiday time. The Internet in the house is also down at the moment and will not likely to be fixed until next week. I am using the staff p.c. to send you this email. I unfortunately don’t have the time I need (or the quiet!) to write my diary. I will do an extra long one next week and apologise to all those who have been reading it.
The messages I have received from staff at MDS have been a huge encouragement for me, as at times it does get tough.
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19th October 2007 - Feeling the joy of making connections
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Louise on the grounds of the Royal
Palace during a weekly cultural trip
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On Mondays the Thai people wear yellow to celebrate the King's birthday. I was aware of this tradition before I came to Bangkok and bought a shirt especially for this purpose. However, The King of Thailand is in hospital this week and all around you people are wearing yellow shirts - much more so that usual. I had the great honour to be asked to go with some of the kids and sign the good wishes book at the hospital where the King is staying. It was like a sea of yellow. I seemed to be the only foreigner there but was greeted with smiles and welcomes. It is a memory that I won't forget and feel privileged to have been invited.
I started this week feeling upbeat and connected with the children. I feel they are starting to trust me and approach me more. It is funny sometimes -- they talk to me in Thai, as though I know what they are saying. I have learned a few phrases that are useful, like "stop fighting, stop crying" and "you are beautiful." But I find that body language and facial expressions get me further than anything in communicating with the children.
This week I have dedicated to building the children's self esteem and body image. I bought large sheets of paper and got some of the kids to lie down so I could trace the outline of their bodies. I then went through each child's features and gave them a positive comment like, "you have beautiful eyes or hair, you are so strong," etc. I am not sure how much they got out of the experience regarding their self esteem but they had so much fun drawing and colouring in the bodies!
I have one little girl in the group who, up until now, hides under a table the entire time I am there. She is either crying constantly or just has a vacant look in her eyes. The teachers tell me she is just sad, and I have been slowly trying to coax her out to join in with the group. Finally, today I gave her a book to look at during play time, and a sticker to keep, and she smiled at me. Throughout the rest of the day I could see her looking at me through the corner of my eye, and she eventually came up to me and touched my arm and smiled. I felt pure joy that I had made a connection with this child and got her to smile. It made me realise this is the reason I wanted to come to Thailand and do what I am doing. And it is actually working. I feel so blessed to have met some of these people. LS
12th October 2007 - Louise: In love with Thailand
Everyday in Bangkok starts out pretty much the same way. I am up early to get ready for the day ahead with a quick breakfast, which (thankfully) does not consist of rice, and a hair-raising 30 minutes in Bangkok traffic. That in itself is an experience.
When I get to my placement I am greeted by the staff in the same way -- with our hands palm to palm and bowing our heads with a greeting of Sawadeeka, which means hello. The next thing you know, you are surrounded by children vying for your attention, and you are being pulled in all directions.
We all gather in a courtyard to sing the national anthem and raise the flag, then we sing some songs and do a few exercises. It reminds me of a small army, and I have not quite decided if this is a good or bad thing.
The three-year-olds I work with are adorable and some have learned my name, which I had to break down to the shorter version of "Lou," as it is easier for them to stay. They are constantly fighting for my attention and want to hold my hand, which makes it difficult when helping set up for lunch or nap time.
I bought some stickers at a local store. They seem to be something difficult to buy out here, but the children love them. We stuck them all over our faces -- me included -- which they found hilarious.
My days are flying past and some of the volunteers I started with are leaving this weekend. Because they had only a short time, they do not feel as though they have made a difference in these kids' lives. So, I am grateful I chose to stay that little bit longer as I feel I can make more of a connection with them that way.
My emotions this week have been a bit up and down. The difference in culture is overwhelming at times, but the staff at the homebase is wonderful and understanding, and they seem to have a sixth sense about when we have had a bad day. They are always here to talk to.
However, no matter how upset or lonely I feel at times, not once have I wanted to come home. I am in love with the country and its people, and I am ever conscious of how quickly the time is going by. LS |
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5th October 2007 - Nothing compares to the heat
Louise left for Bangkok on Friday, September 28th. This is the first of her weekly (time permitting) online diary entries.
My journal begins like any other, with the journey it took to get here. It was by no means smooth sailing. I encountered all manner of nightmares that come with traveling: delays, bad take offs and landings, turbulence and a companion who was in a desperate need of a shower! I finally landed safely and was picked up by a young guy called Benz who spoke no English.
The heat was the first thing to hit me when I walked outside of the airport. Nothing I've experienced before compares to the heat in Bangkok. I finally arrived at my homebase, where I will be spending the next eight weeks. It is a lovely home where the staff members are becoming more and more like family every day. They are very caring and will get you what ever you need to make your stay better.
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After a good night's sleep Saturday, the staff put us straight to work on Sunday with orientation, which we all know can be daunting at the best of times. Try it when there is a language barrier and you will never complain again! Our first task of the day was a drop-off exercise and was designed to immerse you into the culture right away. Myself and the other volunteers (there are four of us altogether) were split into pairs and we were given a task to complete. My team was asked to go to the local outdoor market and buy a number of items, including: flowers we have never seen before, and banana and rice wrapped in banana leaf. This sounded terrifying to us, and bear in mind we were all still a little jet lagged. We did manage to get a few of the items, so we had success.
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Before going to Thailand, we were given an idea about where we would be placed to do our work. Luckily enough, we are all going to be placed at the same facility, which means I will have the support of others going through the same thing.
Our first day of work started on Monday with a visit to the placement facility to get a feel for what they do on a daily basis, and how much involvement I will have. The children are aged between three and six and are a mixture of boys and girls -- some of whom have learning difficulties such as autism and Down Syndrome, and some of whom have brain damage.
They are split into groups based on their age and at the moment I am with the three year olds. All of the children are so cute and are amazed at the colour of my skin because I am so white. They are constantly touching my arms and grabbing my hands or looking to be picked up, which we have been advised against because once you start they all want to be picked up, and there are 400 of them.
The two women I am with in my group speak relatively good English so communication is not so difficult and we can understand each other well. They are very interested in my daily and family life back home and I have brought loads of pictures from home to show them, which they loved.
With my first day over I can honestly say I made the right choice in selecting Thailand for my project. There is a lot of poverty in this country, which is hidden to a certain extent by high-tech malls and transport. Since I am not a tourist here, I believe the culture I see is the real Thailand. I feel there is a lot I have to offer these kids on a day-to-day basis, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of this experience. LS
